It stops with me

Have you ever felt judged in your own family? I have. I can remember several instances as I was growing up where I felt judged by one family member or another. Example: One summer we were having a party at my parents’ house. They have a swimming pool so a bunch of us were in and out of the pool. There was food and drinks set up right there. On a trip out of the pool to get something to drink a family member said loud enough for me to hear “She has the hair, nails, legs, tan and life to be stunning. Why did her parents let her get fat?” They were talking and looking right at me. These same family members are two that I have just recently decided to limit my exposer to. It was a hard decision for me to make but I had to for my own sake.  

Maybe it’s because I am older but I refuse to put up with any of that nonsense. One way to full get me disengaged in a conversation is to talk about people. If I don’t know the person and you are not talking about a way to help them out with a problem then I am not interested.  True story: I have been told intimate details about a person’s marriage. I did not know either party involved but I was gifted the knowledge that the man cheated on his wife and ran off with a younger woman. I was given details on how she found out about the affair. Now, remember I had never met this woman. Till we went to town and she was there. Then I got to practice my poker face when I was introduced to her. Y’all want to know how bad I wanted to tell her that it gets better. That my first husband had cheated on me and I understand the pain and shame and questions that come up after it is all out in the open. Now the person telling me the story had only one husband. She had never been left for someone else. She didn’t get it or she refused to get it.

So I am breaking the cycle. It stops with me. I know its “southern” to gossip about anything and everything but it stops with me. The backhanded comments stop here. The idea that you can be mean to someone and still love them stop here. The directing someone’s life to the point that you decide what they are going to do with their life stops here. I will protect my son from it and we will start a new cycle of openness and love of who you are.

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